Transcript:I DON'T HAVE A JOB ANYMORE
Jack: in Ahh, you smell that? That's the smell of Home Improvement, with Tim Allen. five sound Jack: Top of the mornin' to ya laddies! My name is Jacksepticeye and welcome back to honey, I'm trash. We only have a few missions left to do, actually I think there's only two missions left to do so I am gonna do those in this episode and then figure out what's gonna happen after this, then after that probably in the next episode or so maybe not in this one because it's very tedious to do. I'm gonna - I'm gonna make my place look nice because I've been putting it off for a while, I painted all the walls and everything and that's the most tedious thing to do in the game. The only thing more tedious in the game is laying down tiles on walls, um because I still have this area to do and everything and I wanna make sure I'm dedicating enough time to it and making stuff look nice cos like there's nothing in these places, I need to add small little knick knacks to the stuff to make it look like - make it look livable so that's not just, wait let's see what's on the Internet for a second. Oooh, these are the houses that I own. Can I sell this one? 'Go to the house', no, I don't wanna go to the house I wanna sell the house for purchase. Aww, a big giant fluffy pink house. Oh my God, these ones have upstairs and everything, if I have a hundred and eighty eight grand, two hundred and seventy nine thousand I could've brought those? I mean my house is cool. Okay Tim Star wants us to paint his house, no problem Timmy this place is lovely. 'Two bathrooms. Perfect.' Tim knows what he wants, Tim's a man about life, Tim knows exactly what he needs to make himself happy and I respect that, I admire that. Just get here and leave immediately. Aw, nice place lovely place. 'Clean the window.' Okay, so I don't have to clean up any of the trash in here ha ha, oooh that's interesting. That's an interesting little walkway there Timothy. You know what? I'm kinda into it, kinda like it, what the hell goes up here? An air conditioning unit. An 'airt', an airt conditioning unit, that's what you wanna put on the wall. Okay mount all these things I thought I was supposed to be on easy mode, is there actually something different than this? Connect everything together, just think of it like air conditioning brain surgery. You put the synapses together and it's easy 'cos it's colour coded, the red goes to the red, the black goes to the black. Yeah why don't you just do this instead of changing the camera angles all the time? That just takes longer. Ta-dah! Now your room is as cool as I am which is pretty damn cool. Alright there's other stuff I have to do, we have to paint all these rooms apparently, I mean I won't paint them anything I want, oh don't leave it up to me, I choose terrible colour coordination. I'm not good at this stuff, all I'm good is following orders okay just let me do that. Ooh you know what? Yeah I'll just buy you a small one. I was gonna say we buy a big one but big ones are a bit too much. That's like a commitment. That's like saying do you want a dog or a child? Dog please. Do I hear running water? Has something broken and spilled? Of course it has. Silly people! Who put in this thing and didn't follow the instructions? That's like taking out all your LEGO and spilling it all over the floor but never actually putting the pieces together. Now I have to clean. Well that was easy. Can we change the name of this game and just call it what it is? Let's call a spade a spade, okay. It's not House Flipper you can do that, it's more House Decorator, House Cleaner, House Assembler, no assembly required. Oh my God, I could've just done that? Aww, I could've made life so much easier for myself. You know what, now we know okay? You put that in, oh my God. It's so easy it's like making a grilled cheese sandwich, though I did burn the house one time when I was trying to do that, that was not good. But you know me, I burn the house down by trying to make a bowl of cornflakes. You know my Mom and Dad told me to go to college and be in debt for the rest of my life. You know go out there, get yourself an education, become a doctor or something. Yeah, eleven years of medical school for this Mom and Dad, so worth it I've never been happier, there's no work for me out there you know its hard, millennials are killing the industries, so I have to make ends meet. I have to paint this house with cocoa and sand almond. This is gonna look great you guys, where do we wanna put sand almond though? Don't know, how do we wanna divide up the room? You know I'm still kind of a doctor. I'm - I'm more like a doctor of design now, which is still just as good. I mean they don't let me operate on people or help people but I help them in different ways. I heal their hearts by making there houses homes. You know I love doctor men's hearts or an actual like cardiologist, erm, maybe that was Cupid was. This is what I'm really thankful for though in the decorating industry is that I just have time to think, I have time to think and say my thoughts out loud and no one can judge me. No one can judge me! Have I gone too far? I don't know, we'll see how it is and then I'll work from there because you know what. Another great thing about working in this industry is that I have all the time in the world. I can stand on people's kitchens, do whatever I want really. You know how they say Satan lives in hell? Nah, Satan is the panels that exist around windows that need to be painted, that's where Satan lives. 'Paint four walls at the same time' yes I've been waiting for it all my life. Alright that's that part done. Sand almond. I didn't realise that you mean the colour was gonna be what the inside of almonds look like not the outside I thought it was gonna be a lovely brown that would match alongside this one. I do paint pretty damn quick though if only I could get a better roller to put more paint on it! Not bad McLoughlin, not bad. This actually does look pretty good, I was gonna cut the paint here and do the whole back of this as well but I didn't feel like it worked because there's no hard cut off, at least this had the table thing so the counter top kind of cuts it off and looks a bit good. That's not aligned and that's annoying me. It's fine, it's fine, it's fine I'm just gonna leave those paints there. Don't knock them over, okay? I know you like to run through with your big club feet but take it easy, alright 'clean the window, five out of eleven'. How many f***ing windows are in this house? Now I know what your thinking. Jack, there's eleven windows. You just said five out of eleven, there's eleven - I was - I wasn't being serious okay. Don't take everything I say at face value. Don't quote me on anything. When these let's playing lips start talking you don't know what's gonna come out of it. Sometimes it's wisdom, sometimes advice, sometimes ninety nine percent of the time a big ol' load of bulls***. I hope it's a blind person or at least a colour blind person that's gonna be staying in this room. It looks great, it looks great, I love it. Looks like I just stepped inside of Shrek. Okay, I know you want me to paint more of your rooms but um, like my arms are tired and I just don't want to, like I wanna go home, eat a cookie, kick up my feet, eat some ice cream, watch The Office you know, have a good time, okay see you later bye. 'It would be nice to have a desk near the bed.' Well you know what Jim? It'd be great if I had a hole in this chair right now and a portal to another dimension where all my dumpings would go, but I'm not getting it. Hey trash sweet trash, ha ha laughing strawberry. Okay what's my final job? 'The Bunker' from Steve Mariner. I wonder if he goes out on the ocean? 'Hello, we bought a house with a hidden post-war bunker -' That's dope! 'The previous owner didn't appreciate what he had and made it a storage room. We care about safety, and the weather in this part of the country gives us some concern. We have renovated the house, but as far - as for the bunker, we want to have it done by a professional -' I know plenty of them. I can call up some of my - oh you mean me? Call me a professional. 'Can we count on you equipping it appropriately? If a tornado or something even worse would hit, we want to have a safe place where we could stay for several weeks until it is safe again. Best regards, Steve ocean dweller.' Steve don't you - oh God I hope it doesn't look like that. Definitely a fallout shelter, looks like the bomb went off inside here. I will kit it out don't you worry okay. Though I think you need more than just a bomb shelter door. When it comes to bomb shelters and stuff I think the whole thing needs to be protected you can't just put paper around it and then put a really strong door on it and then say 'hey it's done.' Where the hell is this thing? This is a cosy lovely little house, see these are all the things I need little knick knacks all on my thing, I'll make it happen, I'll take a mental picture. Perfect, I'mma still your ideas. Wait the bunker is in your bedroom? What the hell?! I mean it's great if you're having a conversation and you get angry at each and your like 'you're not sleeping in the bed tonight get out of here! Okay, I'll sleep in the bunker.' Urgh, I mean this is not the hard part you could've cleaned this yourself. Little elbow grease goes a long way Steve. Gotta sweep sweep sweep, it's sweeping time. My Lord did you use this - you know this wasn't a bathroom. Did you just open up the hatch and s*** down the hole? Living the dream Steve. 'Place object: Modern kitchen cabinet with sink.' What? With sink Andy, alright okay we can't make them all white. Okay that just - that doesn't say like 'bunker' to me. I guess we don't really have much choice in these regards, this looks a bit better, eh the scrolling is fixed again, so temperamental it's fine. Ummm, 'four burner gas stove.' Okay. Perfect that looks great. A gas cylinder, as you gonna need - your're gonna need a gas mask as well you know in case the bombs drop. You're gonna need a way of getting away from them. 'Modern hanging cabinet' okay. Bang. Sofa shadow. I don't need to put down the sofa, I just need to put down the sofa shadow. Oh that's just the - oh I get it. I thought, I thought - it doesn't matter what I thought okay? Why am I allowed to sell the cabinets and everything that these go on but I'm not allowed to sell these? These are just miscellaneous items, can't I just fill it up how I want afterwards? You know when I think and when I thought "bunker" when you were saying it to me, I didn't think you were like - turning this into, this is exactly what they're doing this is what Steve wants. He wants to get away from the other person in bed, he just wants to come down here and sleep and play video games and sniff gas. I'm on to ya Steve. 'Paint with the colors: White' White is not sighs Guys, white is not a shelter, a bunker color. Can we paint it in metallic black or something like that? This does not look like a bunker, this looks like a little summer house. Although I will say its nice to get the big pleasing dirty blackness off the walls. But you know what that's what gave it character. There's more to it, this isn't the only place. Okay this is annoying me because you told me to put down certain things but now there's no room for the microwave and stuff. Can I put you at the very edge and stick the microwave on top? Yeah but not the way I want to. This is gonna be the storage area, that's your hatchet for killing the zombies. I mean it is er, you are preparing for nuclear tornado winter so it's only natural, um what else do you need in here? A first aid kit. Put you up here actually... or you know what on second thought I'll put you on the ground it's fine it's what I originally wanted to do anyway. Er, five times water containers. Okay so this is our storage area, this is where when s*** goes down you're gonna be happy that you had le bomb shelter. Emergency food yum laughs Oh my God they have pickled cucumbers. laughs Two times nuts, this is awesome! Gotta have the macaroni okay? If you don't have the macaroni then what the hell does your cheese even go with. Sandwiches? Gross. We may be coming in here because of the end of the world but we're not savages. Peanut butter of course. A good source of protein. You know what when the apocalypse comes it doesn't matter when you've got f***ing peanut butter! Canned meat, it's fine. cam goes full screen I like all my meat to come in cans. Tins of tuna that's good. Tuna also a great source of protein, tuna fantastic source of protein, one of the most protein dense foods you can have: low in calories, very very high in protein, low in carbohydrates, it's very very good for you, you should definitely eat a lot more of that. 'Place object: Safe.' Great, I'll put all the rest of my tuna in here. I'm waiting to see those comments now where everyone gonna be like 'Man, that nuclear bunker is actually better than my entire house, can I live there?' Same fam, I get you. You know what, I remember what it was like to be a college student. Lovely little room. This place is looking great I like this a lot. Okay your bunker is coming together Sir, what have we got in here? sighs I don't know what you're talking about Steve. I don't know why the last tenant didn't like this 'cos clearly this place is lovely. Honestly no joke I would love something like this in my house. A whole underground area like this - like, like a basement. Um, basements aren't really a thing in the UK or Ireland, not like not many people have them. Umm, so we don't - I don't see this type of stuff often in real life, it's only when I go to my American friends houses that I see proper basements. But I would love something like this in my house. You can put like a little gaming room in here, a little kitchen, like the bathrooms in here, you just have a little sheltered area where you go down and just not deal with the world for the day. Let's face it, we all want that every now and again. I know I can handle the job and say that I'm finished right now but I don't want to, you know what I'm having fun with this one. This is one of my more enjoyable jobs I've had to do in this game, it's fantastic. Look it's my last job okay? Let - lemme have it. Do you guys think that - okay now I'm not saying that this is actually what's gonna happen or that these people love me like part of the family or whatever, I'm not saying anything like that. But do you guys think that when I finish this job like Steve and whoever he's with like came home setting up a party upstairs right now? I'm, I'm - as I said I'm not saying that that's not happening but there's a high possibility, you know you been in someone's house this long you're kinda part of the family. So I went ahead and did the thing that I've been doing, you know three out of four rooms I was doing the same thing over and over again so I thought 'Okay, just keep the white paint and keep going.' No, I'm supposed to tile this room. sighs Great. Ah put some little beds in. Cosy, that's not like sleeping in a coffin at all, this one's backwards, it's okay, a little whoop, you see that? Now when you sleep you're just staring at each other, head to head and be like 'Hey, good night'. Classic, classic bed time banter. You just undo all my work, the beautiful white wall, beautiful matching white wall. Maybe fitting in and being the same thing as all the other rooms is not important. Being your own thing, you go little room! Ta-dah! The house is one hundred percent complete. It looks great, look at everything! A wonderful little bathroom, I would've done something different about the floor, maybe I could just throw in some tiles. You know just, just on the house. I mean they are upstairs throwing a big ol' birthday party for me and everything, so or a going away party. It was my birthday last week but they wouldn't have known that. Look at that. Beautiful, a lovely little "bomb shelter", sure Steve, we'll believe that if you believe that. Not at all. Okay my work here done, my last job is complete. Okay okay I have to - I have to get ready. What's my best 'Oh my God I'm so surprised this is happening' sort of face? Like no, that's not good, umm that's it, that's the one. Okay, okay here we go. Okay, Steve I'm done! I mean yeah, that's fine. I mean I really didn't expect him to throw a party for me for finishing their house and all that but um n-no it's good, it's real good sobs Ahhhh, a long day of slaving and hard work. A long day of waiting in this loading screen for me to be able to go back home. Here we are, finally. I don't know why you drop me off here. I'm not giving him five stars. But that does it, that's the last job that we had to do in House Flipper. For now anyway that was the last job on my computer and I'm back to trash sweet trash, any jobs on my computer. All empty, ahhh, and one way that's beautiful and the second way, God I'm never gonna work again am I? Okay, well that does it for this episode of honey, I'm trash. We have seventy two thousand, basically seventy three thousand dollars left over that I can do whatever I want with now to the rest of my home. Will I paint walls differently? Will I put in furniture? Find out next time! But thank you guys so much for watching this video. If you liked it, punch that like button in the face, like a boss! And, high fives all round! Wapoosh! Wapoosh! But thank you guys and I will see all you dudes in the next videooo! musics plays music ends Jack: I don't know what I'm gonna do now. Category:House Flipper Category:Transcripts